Hit and Run: A Second Beginning
by RavenMD
Summary: My take on how I wish the Season Finale would have ended. A story of loss, friendship, family, and new beginnings.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: So the JJ/Reid Shipper in my died a little last night, so I decided to write an alternate ending to the season finale. I hate stories where Will becomes a crazed psycho and becomes a wife beater. So in this one, he decides to sacrifice himself and drive the SUV off the side of the Key Bridge in DC, instead of taking Izzy to his house (I can't believe he did that by the way). It's a story of loss, friendship, and new beginnings. As always I do not own Criminal minds._

Chapter 1~

"Where's that cop, I ain't got all day. I'll make it easy, send in the cop and I'll let a couple of the hostages go. A sign of good faith isn't that what you said?" Chris said to a very determined David Rossi.  
"Releasing the hostages is a great first step in resolving this conflict, but we can't send in someone else to get killed." The older agent said.  
Chris grabbed one of the male hostages and ordered him to pick up the phone.  
"Say your name" he demanded.  
"Sh—Sean Harper" he chocked. And with that, Chris pulled the trigger. Hostages screamed.  
"That was on you, David Rossi. You killed Sean Harper, not me. Send in the officer now, or I kill one hostage every 60 seconds."

*************************************************************************************

"Oh my God, oh my God" were the only words running through Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau's mind as she saw her lover, partner, and father of her child walking towards the hostage held Federal Bank building. _What is he doing? What about me? What about Henry? _With all of the adrenaline in the world she started to run towards the building, when she felt strong arms restraining her "Morgan! Let me go!" she screamed.

*************************************************************************************

As Detective William Lamontagne Jr. entered the building, all he could think about was Sean Harper. He was responsible for the murder of Sean Harper. Somewhere out there was a family who was about to mourn the loss of a child—a son. Was he married? Was he someone's husband? Someone's father? He forced himself to push these thoughts in the back of his mind. He could do this. Unarmed and with hands raised he asked the unsubs to let the women and children go. As the young mother with her child and now fatherless little girl left the building, he breathed a sigh of relief, when he heard the shots.  
_I'm sorry JJ._

*************************************************************************************

As Dr. Spencer Reid was watching the events unfold, he felt helpless. His friend and father of his godson lay on the ground with two bullet holes in his body. Please let Will have a vest on, he thought. _JJ, I have to get to JJ she needs me. She's my best friend—she's always been there for me, now it's my turn.  
_"How's JJ" he asked Garcia.  
"It's bad Reid" Penelope said while furiously typing into her keyboard.  
"I should be there; we've learned everything we can from here."  
"No, you can help more by helping me. Besides your brain works faster than mine" the tech analyst reminded the team genius.  
_Please keep them safe. Please keep her safe._

*************************************************************************************

After the explosion Morgan and JJ search the perimeter of the building, looking for Will and the unsubs. _Please be alive. Please be alive._ JJ pleads with God.  
"This one's parallel to the other tunnel, there's a good chance it branches off" JJ tells her partner.  
"Then let's split up"  
"Unless it's a trick."  
"Well then we're screwed." Derek states.  
_Please don't let it be a trick.  
_They find the exit and no Will. No unsubs. She feels the tears start to well up when she looks down and notices a clue.  
"Whatya got?" Morgan asks.  
"Will always says if you can leave a breadcrumb" as she holds her partners wallet in her hands. Looking at family pictures, she lets a tear roll down her face.  
"Okay so he was here. He was healthy enough to leave us a clue."  
"They shot him Morgan, why would they take him?"  
"JJ, I don't know but we didn't see any blood down here and both are good signs."  
"Yeah but they have him. God only knows where or why. How is that good?" JJ says as she runs back to her team.

*************************************************************************************

As he opens the car door and Chris rolls out, Will is completely stunned. Why is he still alive? This crazy chick should just shoot him in the head and escape. Just then one of the hostages gets in the back seat.  
"Wh-What?"  
"Hi Will, you see that?" Matthew smirks.  
"I want to do it again." Izzy tells her lover.  
"Drive" they command.  
He keeps looking at the rearview mirror. _What the hell is going on?_  
"Do you love your family, Detective?" Izzy asks.  
Matthew smiles. "Oh you bet he does, and did you know that Detective Will here is dating a Federal Agent?"  
"Do everything we say or your boy dies. Try to be a hero and sweet, blonde Agent JJ dies. Try to call for help and we kill you. And that boy of yours? Grows up an orphan. Oh and we know where you live, see this?" Izzy states while dangling his license in front of his face.  
"So take us to that sweet boy of yours. What was his name? Oh right, Henry." Matthew says, as he leans up towards the passenger seat and kisses Izzy's neck.  
"Yes take us to Henry, or you die and Matthew here kills Henry's mama."  
Will feels sick.  
_Over my dead body. Like hell they will.  
_Sitting at a traffic light on North Lynn Street, he realizes this is his chance. He presses his foot down on the gas, going from 0 to 50 miles an hour in a matter of seconds, leaving nothing but screeches and smoke in its wake.  
Izzy screams and shoots Will directly in the neck. Holding the bullet wound and surviving on pure adrenaline, he doesn't even flinch. As he jerks the steering wheel and drives the black SUV off of the Key Bridge.  
_I love you JJ. Henry be a good boy, Daddy loves you. Spencer, take care of them for me.  
_As he closes his eyes and darkness takes over.


	2. Chapter 2

_I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.  
__**- Sigmund Freud**_

"Hotchner"

"It's Anderson, I don't have great news. The Francis Scott Key Bridge is closed because a Government issued SUV drove off the side into the River. It's not good sir…"

The seasoned profiler stiffened.

"They are lifting the bodies out of the wreckage now, there were no survivors."

Hotch caught his breath. This couldn't be happening again. If anyone on the team deserved their happily ever after it was JJ.

"Are you sure it's them?"

"Yes sir, Will's badge was found floating in the water."

"Okay. Call me back with updates. And Anderson, put him in a separate ambulance, I don't want those two near him."

Memories came rushing back. Explaining to Jack how Haley went to live with God and was now an Angel. The nightmares…the other kids teasing Jack because he didn't have a mommy. Children can be so cruel. _Would the same thing happen to little Henry?_ Shaking those thoughts from his mind, he turned around to face his friend.

Seeing the pained look on Hotch's face, she knew.

"No. No, it must be a mistake. You are lying. Aaron, you're lying!" she screamed. JJ started banging her fists against Hotch's chest as she crumbled into a ball of sobs on the ground. Emily and Garcia ran immediately over to their friend, rubbing soothing circles on her back while she cried.

"Sp—Spence" she chocked.

Reid rushed over to his best friend and kneeled in front of her, while taking her hands in his. Trying to suppress his own tears, he whispered words of comfort and offered his support.

"I'm so sorry JJ. It will be okay JJ. I'll do whatever you need JJ."

Hiccupping, she looked up at her best friend through red rimmed eyes.

"I—I n—need you to get Henry. He can't see me like this." She immediately began sobbing again as she thought of her now fatherless son.

"Okay Jay, whatever you need." As he kissed the top of her head and stood up to leave.

"Reid" he turned around and heard the oldest agent calling his name.

"Yes?"

"Bring him to my house, it's the largest, plenty of room for everyone. We're not leaving them alone."

He looked over at JJ and she nodded, meeting his gaze.

Truth be told, he was completely devastated. He knew what it was like to grow up in a home without a father. Over the past three years, he witnessed more love and happiness in the Jareau-LaMontangue household than he ever had as a boy. When JJ and Will had made him Henry's godfather, at first he had been completely shocked. Children and dogs never seemed to warm up to the awkward Doctor. So the moment in which JJ placed the tiny infant into his hands and he didn't scream, was permanently etched into his memory. Eidetic or not. The Reid Effect never occurred around Henry and in that moment, he was overcome with more love for that 7 lb. 9 ounce baby than he ever experienced in his entire life, minus his own mother. Seeing Henry play outside with a little girl, around his age, brought the smallest smile to his face. Pure joy, that is what Henry was. He looked at himself in the rearview mirror, to make sure there was no evidence of the day's tragedy on his face. Getting out of the car and walking over to Kate's house, he took a deep breath. _Please just let us get through this day._

"Unnnncccclllleeeee Ssssppppeeeennnccccceeeee!" he heard his godson yell as he ran over to give him a hug.

"Hi Henry" he said as he pulled the smiling boy into his arms.

"How are you, did you have fun? Were you good for Ms. Kate?"

"Uh huh, where's mommy?"

Gulping, he looked at Henry. Really looked at him.

"She's at Uncle Dave's house, where we're going."

"Oh Tay, cool, I wanna say bye bye to Sara" the blonde boy giggled.

Placing Henry down, when he was out of earshot, he walked over to Kate.

"Spencer? Is everything okay?"

"No—no it's isn't. Have you watched the news?"

"Yes, but I quickly turned it off, I didn't want the kids watching that."

"Kate…Will, he…isn't coming back."

Putting her hands over her mouth to stifle her sob, Reid gently pulled her into a hug, something he normally wouldn't do.

"Thanks for being there this afternoon; JJ's really going to need us."

Nodding through her tears, she looked up at him.

"You tell her if there's anything she needs, I'm there. We've been neighbors for years and Steven and I love that little guy. Okay?"

"Will do, thanks Kate."

Motioning over to Henry, the little boy ran up to his Uncle.

"Say bye bye to Ms. Kate, Henry."

Hugging his neighbor good bye, Reid took the boy from her arms and carried him to the car.

Pulling up to Rossi's driveway, Henry was in the backseat singing _Old McDonald Had a Farm. _Yale Schmale, his godson was going to Caltech. He made the best moo cow noise than any other 3 year old in the world.

"Henry?"

"Yeah Uncle Spence."

"When you see mommy, make sure you give her a big hug and kiss okay? She isn't feeling good today."

"Oh tay, did she get an owie at work?"

"Yeah buddy, mommy got an owie at work."

Making a sad face, the boy sighed. "I will kiss her boo boo and make it all better" he stated.

Smiling sadly he looked at his godson and got out of the car. Taking Henry out of his car seat, he walked slowly up to Rossi's house. It was a new chapter in the young boy's life, at three years old he was now the man of the house.

"Momma!" the boy yelled as he ran into his mother's arms.

"Uncle Spence said you got an owie, I kiss it and make it all better" he said.

"Where you hurt?"

The young mother's eyes filled with tears and she simply motioned to her heart.

"Your heart hurts you mommy? Why? Did someone hurt yous feelings?"

Looking around the room, JJ had no idea what to do. She was normally so good with words of comfort. Morgan and Hotch sat down beside them on the couch. Morgan knowing what it was like to lose a father in the line of duty. And Hotch, knowing what it was like to instantly become a single parent.

"Baby…daddy…you know mommy and daddy fight bad guys, right?"

"Uh huh."

"Well daddy got hurt saving us sweetie. He's in heaven now with Pop Pop and Jack's mommy."

"Did he get the bad guys?" the boy asked his mother.

"Yes baby, Daddy got the bad guys."

"I no see him no more?"

Not being able to hold it in any longer she sobbed and rocked her precious baby in her arms.

"No baby, Daddy is _dead" _JJ was shaking.

Spencer walked over and knelt in front of his grieving family. Having just received his fourth PHD in Psychology, he knew that young children needed to be included in the process of a parent's death. Even so, the next words out of the small boy's mouth broke his heart.

"Is Daddy going to be dead all day?"

"Yeah buddy, when people die, you don't see them anymore." He explained carefully. "They can't sleep, eat, play, or walk around. But you know what?" Henry slowly shifted in his mother's arms and looked at his Uncle.

"Just because someone has died doesn't mean you can't talk to them. The really cool thing is that Daddy will be with you always. He'll always look out for you and Mommy, no matter what."

"Oh tay.'

Henry turned to his mother and kissed her tear stained cheek.

"It be oh tay momma" the sweet boy whispered.

There were a lot of things that Jennifer Jareau knew. And one of them was that things would never be okay again.

The next week was a blur. Between calling relatives and setting up funeral arrangements, JJ didn't know which end was up. Her team—her family had been great. Their collective tragedies made it easy to come together and carry her and Henry through their loss.

Garcia took it upon herself to buy her godson more toys than any child should have, normally it would've made JJ cringe, but not now. He was fatherless, she was broken—of course he could have an extra truck or bear, his daddy was dead. Emily immersed herself in all of the funeral arrangements, not knowing what else to do. This time last year, JJ had _buried _her. She could return her friends loyalty, by making sure Will was remembered for the hero, partner, father, and friend that he was. Rossi paid for the entire burial, no expense was too great. His thoughts went back to Carolyn and James. Life was not fair. His son was taken too soon. Henry's father was taken too soon. He was angry; they caught the vilest people in the entire country, what happened to karma? Couldn't one of them have it all? Morgan was just mad. Looking at Henry brought him back to a time he tried to forget, but never would. He would be there for that boy, not matter what. The Carl Buford's of the world would never get to Henry. _Sadness—_therewere no other words to describe what Aaron Hotchner was feeling. Will's death just brought everything back—George Foyet and Haley. Looking back, had it not been for Jack, he knew he wouldn't have survived. He would have laid down and died, right next to the love of his life. No, that won't happen to JJ—she reminded him once that it does get better. He vowed he would do the same for his friend.

And then there was Spencer Reid. Normally, the awkward genius would spout of statistics and close himself off, not knowing how to behave in these types of situations. Yes, he had gotten better through the years, but it was still a work in progress. However, he had responded with flying colors, being there for JJ and Henry day in and out. Three years ago, Will and JJ had made him part of their family. The only way he knew to honor his friend was to be there for his family now.

"_Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That's part of what it means to be alive."  
― __**Haruki Murakami**_

_AN: Thank you to everyone who has commented so far. This is my first multi-chapter fic, so I hope it's not too terrible. _


	3. Chapter 3

_"Do not protect yourself from grief by a fence, but rather by your friends"_

_-Czech Proverb__  
_

She was surprised with herself, at how easy it was to greet family and friends who came from all over to offer their condolences. It was like she was the star of her own show. At first when Henry asked if Daddy was done being dead yet, she thought she might scream and lash out at her small son. Instead she laughed. When Emily came over and asked her if she had bathed or brushed her teeth that week, she just shrugged and laid back in bed.

It was the day before Will's funeral when Hotch stopped by to pick up his uniform that he realized the extent of JJ's grief. He had felt the same thing when Haley died.

"JJ, when's the last time you've eaten?"

The blonde didn't respond.

"JJ, look at me."

She tilted her head, looking up at her unit chief. What he saw took his breath away. No matter how many victims he had encountered during the years, nothing could prepare him for the utter devastation he saw on Jennifer Jareau's face. Her hair hadn't been washed in days, eyes puffy and bloodshot, and for the first time in 7 years, he saw the age lines surrounding his subordinates face.

He took a deep breath.

"I'm fine Hotch, Henry and I will be fine. We prepared ourselves for this. Will was a cop—Christ, I'm an FBI agent! We knew this could happen."

_We knew this could happen. We knew this could happen._

"JJ, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to mourn" putting his hands on her shoulder, he sighed.

"Yeah, I know Hotch, my sister hung herself in our bathroom. Remember? I know all about grief and loss" she stated bitterly.

Choosing his words carefully, he looked directly at his newest profiler.

"JJ—I know. It's not fair. Trust me I know. Just try, please? Let Henry's last memory of his father be a good one." He didn't want to bring up the comparisons with Haley, he didn't feel it was right. But he knew it was the only way to make her understand.

Walking out of Will's closet, holding his officer's uniform, she placed it in her boss' hands.

"Okay" she said.

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After the service her mother Sandy insisted that she stay and take care of her and Henry. Initially, it was nice, not having to worry about getting out of bed to feed Henry, bathe Henry, and play with Henry. Her mom could do that. She found herself lying in bed, wearing Will's clothes, so she could smell him and feel close to him. About two weeks after Will's funeral, she heard a small knock at her bedroom door. Thinking it was Henry, she told him to come him.

"Hi JJ."

It was Spence. She glared at him.

"Wh—what are you doing here?"

Looking around nervously, he took a deep breath.

"Your mom called me. She's worried, we're all worried. You haven't left the house since the funeral. I—I don't want to upset you, but Jay, Henry needs you. His mom is still here."

Spencer Reid was smart. However, it didn't take an IQ of 187 to realize that JJ was in shock. Every waking moment, in which he was not with JJ or Henry, he spent reading about grief and loss. The first stage of the grieving process was denial and shock. JJ needed to come to terms with the fact that she was Henry's sole parent.

"You don't think I know that?" she spat.

"Jay" he sighed.

"You are still here" motioning around her room.

Letting the tears fall once again, she started to shake.

"I just—I just don't want to lose him Spence. I know once I leave this house to run an errand or play outside with Henry, it will be real. Really real."

Sitting on the edge of her bed, he pulled JJ into a hug.

"Your mom's leaving next week, have you decided what you're going to do?"

Sniffling, she shook her head no.

"I just—I just don't even know where to start Spence. Hotch gave me extended Bereavement leave." Feeling almost ashamed, she turned away from her best friend.

"What is it JJ" he said softly.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to go on, have this job, and leave Henry alone for days a time…" she trailed off.

"I—we will all support any decision you make."

She had her first genuine smile in weeks.

"I know."

Spencer Reid knew a lot of things, but this was one area in which he was not a genius. Racking his brain to think of the right things to say, he realized there were no words. The only one who could talk to JJ about what she was feeing was Hotch. So he would be there, offering a silent comfort that only he could. She sat with him for hours as he mourned the loss of Emily, now it was his turn. Any issues between them _long forgotten and forgiven_.

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The first day JJ left the house to take Henry to the park, she thought she was going to suffocate. She counted to ten in hopes that it would settle her nerves. Her mother seeing the look of panic on her face, quickly took her daughters hand and rubbed small circles on her wrist, like she did when JJ was a small girl.

"Momma, push me on the swing!" Henry commanded.

Giving her mom a small smile, she mouthed _"I'm okay" _as if reminding herself the same thing. Pushing her toddler through the air, she couldn't help but feel Will was with them, standing beside her as she played with their little one, "_You're doing great Cher, one day at a time."_

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Sandy Jareau was worried. Yes, her daughter had put on a brave face, bathed, put on clean clothes, and even played with Henry. Yet there was a sadness surrounding JJ that she hadn't seen since her eldest daughter took her own life.

After Henry was given his bath and put to bed, she quietly walked into her daughter's bedroom.

"Jennifer" she said.

Already in bed with the covers pulled over her, she sat up a little to look at her mother.

"I am really worried sweetie, I don't think I can leave you like this."

"I—I know mom. The team will be home from a case tomorrow and, well—I'm thinking about asking Spence to stay with us for a while. I don't think I can be in this house alone with Henry right now…"

Sandy was about to interrupt when JJ gently touched her mother's face.

"It's the closest thing to normalcy I can give Henry right now. Even before Will…died…Spence was over every week, either for brunch or dinner, playing with Henry, explaining to him things Will and I never could. He loves my son, and if I can't be 100% present for him, I know his godfather can. "

"I understand sweetie, but do you think this is something Spencer will even feel comfortable doing?"

Thinking about her awkward, genius best friend, she chose her words carefully.

"I think he will."

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The next day as her mother was doing laundry and her son was coloring, she picked up the phone.

"JJ—is everything alright?"

"Hi, yeah Spence, everything is alright."

_At least as much as it can be, _she thought.

"Garcia told me that the team is flying back today and will be home by dinner. Do you have plans?"

"Me? No, no plans. I was actually going to call you when we landed to see if I could stop by to see you and Henry."

_And check on my family._

"My mom is leaving tomorrow, so Henry and I are making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight. Do you want to join us?"

"Sure, I have to finish some paperwork but I can be over at 6."

"Sounds great, see you then. And Spence?"

"Yeah JJ?"

"Thank you"

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Hearing the doorbell ring, Henry's eyes perked up.

"I get the door momma!"

"Wait for me Henry."

Picking up her son to look out the window, he yelled with excitement.

"Uncle Spence! Uncle Spence! Holdon I coming!"

Unable to suppress a smile at her delighted son, she kissed the top of his head and let him open the door.

"Hey Henry" he said as he scooped up his godson.

The boy placed a slobbery kiss on his cheek.

"We eating sguetti and meatballs, you staying for dinner Uncle Spence?"

"Yeah buddy, I am."

That dinner was the first one in a month in which laughter filled the house. JJ was amazed at how much her little man loved his godfather.

Knowing that her daughter needed to speak with Spencer, Sandy Jareau took her messy grandson up for his bath.

"You, young man have more spaghetti in your hair than your belly, you silly goof!" she teased her grandson.

"Nu-uh Mom-Mom" he replied.

Spencer smiled at Henry as he walked up the stairs with his grandmother. Turning his attention back to JJ, he was trying not to profile her.

"How are you doing Jay? I'm sorry I couldn't come around much this week, the case in Oregon took a lot more time than we originally thought.

"Um, we are okay."

Raising his eyebrow, she sighed.

"The truth is Spence, I'm barely hanging on. Mom leaves tomorrow and I don't think I can do this on my own right now."

"I see" the young genius said. He could tell she had more to say, but wouldn't push her. He knew that you couldn't push people in their grief.

"Actually, the thought of being in this house alone with Henry, suffocates me. I was um, I was hoping you could stay with us for a while. Henry loves you more than anybody, and I know he needs the consistency."

Being slightly shocked, he didn't show it.

"Of course JJ, I'll do whatever you and Henry need. Are you sure?"

"Yeah Spence, I'm sure. You can take the guest room. I'm sure it will just be for a week or two, while I get myself together."

"Okay, JJ, I'll go home tonight and pack some things. Tomorrow I'll come back and watch Henry while you take your mom to the airport, does that sound okay?'

With tears in her eyes, she looked up at him and nodded.

_"It is great to have friends when one is young, but indeed, it is still more so when you are getting old. When we are young, friends are like everything else a matter of course. In the old days we know what it means to have them."_

_- Edvard Grieg_


	4. Chapter 4

_Faced with what a deep devotedness of woe  
I wept thy absence - o'er and o'er again  
Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew pain,  
And memory, like a drop that, night and day,  
Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart away!  
~Thomas Moore_

The first week was awkward; they would both be lying if they said otherwise. Spencer hadn't lived with anyone since his mother and that was 12 years ago. On the first day, he was secretly relieved when JJ took her mother to the airport; it gave him time to calm his nerves. He loved JJ and Henry, but they were best friends and nothing more. After their first and only date seven years, four months, and eighteen days ago, he knew JJ could never feel for him the way he felt for her. And so he pushed those feelings aside, happy to be in JJ's life at all. He hoped they could become friends, he never dreamed they'd become best friends. When JJ came home he saw her tear brimmed eyes and he whispered to his godson to give his Momma a big hug and kiss, which he happily obliged.

Going through the motions, she made sure Spencer was all set up in the guest room. Afterwards she put Henry down for his afternoon nap. Enjoying the few precious moments of silence, the friends sat down together on the couch drinking a cup of tea. Having done this action hundreds of times before, this time it's different. Hesitant to break the silence, Spencer turns his body so that it is facing JJ and starts talking.

"JJ, you know you and Henry are the closest thing to family I have besides mom, and if you asked me to chop off my right arm because it would make you feel better, I would do it, no questions asked. I'll stay here as long as you need me to, but I—I am just trying to figure out how to act around you right now, I…"

JJ cuts him off.

"Spence, just be you. Be Henry's godfather and my best friend."

"But I'm not like everyone else JJ. Garcia is the better godparent in times like these I'm sure. And Hotch, he could really provide you the type of support you need!" the genius started to spout off.

"If you want to go Spence just go" she started to cry.

Realizing the point of his conversation got all messed up, he took a deep breath took one of her hands and tried again.

"Jay—that is not what I'm saying. I want to be here with you and Henry as long as you need me. I guess, I just don't want to get in your way, interrupt your routines, and mess everything up."

"You won't, I promise." _Besides we don't have a routine anymore, that was taken away from us._

"Okay" he said.

As the nation's youngest criminal profiler, Spencer Reid was an expert at observing others. At first he wasn't sure if he should just stay out of JJ and Henry's way, not wanting to intrude on the tiny family. However, after two days he realized it was a family hanging on by a thread. JJ was there—but not really. Even he's young godson could sense something was off with his mother.

That week he had read ten books on grief, four specifically on childhood grief. At three and a half years old, Spencer knew that Henry wouldn't understand the finality of death, but he would be able to feel the loss of his father. It was imperative that he provide Henry with a safe outlet to express his sadness, confusion, and anger, if his mother wasn't yet up to it. For his entire life, Spencer never talked to Henry like a child, he spoke to him in ways that the young boy would understand.

The team hadn't been called away on a case in three days, so Hotch allowed Spencer to leave work early and spend Friday with Henry and JJ. When he got to their house, she was on the couch taking a nap, Henry in front of the tv watching Sesame Street.

When Henry saw his godfather, he said "Shhhh, Unca Spence, momma is sweeping." While he put his finger in front of his mouth.

Kneeling down next to the boy, he picked him up.

"I see that Henry, do you want to go outside and play soccer?" Spencer was one of the most uncoordinated people on the planet, yet he knew it was an activity Henry played with his mother and _father._

The little boy's face lit up.

While playing outside, Henry kicked the ball to his godfather, when Spencer tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground.

"NOOOOO, UNCA SPENCE! YOU DOING IT WRONG. THAT'S NOT HOW DADDY DOES IT." The small child screamed with tears coming down his face.

Spencer ran over to Henry and started to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Henry—so, so sorry. I didn't mean to mess up. I'm not as good as daddy." Spencer meant that in every possible way, he wasn't Will and could never replace him.

"Show me how daddy kicks the ball."

Bouncing back in a second, Henry smiled and said "Sure!"

Spencer was amazed at how resilient Henry was. He gulped back his guilt and once again, kicked the ball to his godson.

_There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. _

_~Washington Irving_

_AN: Thank you all so much for your alerts and messages. I apologize for the delay between updates, but sometimes real life (work, husband, family, friends, and spring time weddings!) get in the way. Would you rather have shorter chapters, but more frequent updates, or vice versa? This will eventually be a romance between Spencer and JJ, but it will take a long time for that to happen and there will be quite a lot of heartache, sorrow, and angst before we get our second chance at happiness._


	5. Chapter 5

_"Whoever is spared personal pain must feel himself called to help in diminishing the pain of others. We must all carry our share of the misery which lies upon the world." _

_~ Albert Schweitzer_

The first few weeks went by like a slow, dull blur. All three trying their best to come to terms with their new living situation. At first Spencer was surprised how natural staying with JJ and Henry was, and then he was overcome with guilt for even _feeling _that way. Naively, he thought JJ would work through her grief and he'd be back home in his apartment in a week, the opposite was true. She was like an empty shell of her former self, even Henry was able to pick up on the emotional turmoil affecting his mother. The small boy was beginning to act out and regress developmentally. All of the books Spencer had read since Will died, explained that regression is a natural physical result of grieving, where children temporarily lose skills and abilities they have learned. Toddlers will often start to act like babies again, with normally, happy, easygoing children becoming cranky and not understanding why they are upset.

Spencer first realized this was happening when Henry was no longer calling him Uncle Spence, but instead Unca Pence, and then Pence. He didn't think much of it until the boy started wetting himself throughout the day, no longer able to wear big boy underwear. JJ was so isolated in her own misery, he wasn't even sure if she noticed or cared.

After a case one evening, Aaron Hotchner noticed his youngest agent sitting at his desk, staring into space. Something the young genius never did. He always had a softspot for Spencer and couldn't help but feel a paternal pride when he thought about how far SSA Dr. Spencer Reid had come, from the gangly, nervous 22 year old agent, to the confident and sometimes long winded profiler. Pushing those thoughts aside, he walked towards Reid's desk.

"Spencer, when you have a moment come to my office please."

Pulled from his thoughts, he looked up at his superior and just nodded.

About 10 minutes later, Hotch heard a knock at his door.

"Come in.'

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes, Spencer, please sit down" he said while motioning to the leather chair away from his desk. Pulling out a bottle of scotch, he poured two glasses and handed one to Reid. Normally, this was an act he'd only save for his mentor, but somehow he knew Reid had earned this right.

"How are things going Spencer?"

Taking a small sip of the amber liquid, he let it warm his insides before answering his boss. He enjoyed the small amount of solitude Hotch was giving him.

"Honestly? Not good...I'm not sure, what to do." He told Hotch about JJ's isolation and Henry's regression and mood swings.

"You're doing the right thing Spencer. When Haley..." Hotch's voice caught.

"When Haley passed, Jack went through the same thing, talking like a baby, wetting his pants, and having terrible nightmares. You being there is helping him, but I agree, he needs JJ." _In body and in mind._

"You don't need to do this alone Spencer, the entire team is here for you, JJ, and Henry."

"I know Hotch, but you know how stubborn JJ is."

"Yes, I do."

He got home later than normal, when he walked through the front door, he was surprised to see Henry was already asleep. Since staying with JJ, Spencer had taken on dinner and bedtime duty. JJ was usually in bed by then.

"JJ?" He saw the blonde siting on the couch going through a family photo album.

'Hi Spence."

Not saying anything, he sat next to his bestfriend and held her hand. He had gotten much better at giving physical affection since staying in the Jareau-Lamontagne Household.

"Why didn't you tell me he needed a pullup before going bed at night?" there was shame in her voice.

"I didn't want to worry you JJ."

"I know. I think, I think Henry's better off without me Spence" she chokes out.

Spencer is shocked. He never thought Jennifer Jareau would ever be in such a dark place that she would think _her son would be better off without her. _Tears fell down both their cheeks.

At first she can't believe those words even came out of her mouth. Clutching the necklace her sister gave her before she _ended it, _she says a silent prayer to her sister. _Please help me._

Pulling her into a hug, Spencer takes a deep breath, "JJ...I think you need to talk to someone."

"I know."

_A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.  
~ Proverbs 27:19_


	6. Chapter 6

_Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. __~Psalm 31:9_

_**"Jennifer, how do you feel about what happened to Will?"**_

_**JJ can't help but glare at her therapist. How does she think I feel? My partner and father of my child was murdered! But as she opens her mouth, a months worth of honesty, saddness, and emotion leaves her body. She is not judged.**_

_**"I feel lost. Will, was the most amazing, attentive, boyfriend and father a person could ask for."**_

_**Composing herself, the blonde continues.**_

_**"You know in our line of work, we always knew this could happen."**_

_**"It sounds like you don't believe you deserve to mourn the loss of Will because he was a detective and you an FBI agent."**_

_**JJ nods.**_

_**"Jennifer, you are allowed to feel and mourn. Tell me, when did you know you loved him?"**_

_**She can't help but smile sadly at the memory.**_

_**"It was during a case we were investigating in New York City. I called Will the week before and told him I was pregnant, he proposed right away and I said no..." she sniffles at the guilt of never taking Will's lastname.**_

_**"No one knew I was pregnant on the team, except Spence. He's my bestfriend and I've always entrusted him with my secrets. He promised me he'd act surprised when the rest of the team found out. Anyway, we were heading back to the hotel and there was Will, waiting for me in the lobby."**_

_**"He sounded like a very stand-up individual Jennifer." **_

_**"Will? Oh he was more than that. The next day I had to drop him off at the airport because of our case and do you know what he did? He resigned as the lead Detective at the New Orleans Police Department, to move to Virginia, so that we-me, Will and Henry could be a family. He gave up his job for me."**_

_**That's when I knew I loved him.**_

It had been two weeks since JJ started seeing a grief counselor and almost a month and a half since Will was killed. Slowly, Spencer started seeing glimpses of the girl who he knew and loved. It was a Tuesday night when he walked through the front door after a consult and noticed JJ and Henry were playing super heros in the family room and dinner was ready in the kitchen.

"Hey Spence!"

"Hi JJ, Hi Henry!"

"Unca Pence? You pway with me and momma?"

"I'd love to Henry."

"Hey little man, hey big man, not so fast. Dinner first." the blonde stated.

"You haven't eaten yet Jay?"

"No, Henry and I wanted to eat with you and ask you about your day." Smiling at her son, she continued, "Henry, why don't you and Uncle Spence wash your hands and then take your seat at the table?"

"Okay momma" the boy giggled as he grabbed his Uncle's hands and ran to the bathroom.

Dinnertime was more awkward than it had been in the past. Normally, JJ was hybernating in her bedroom when Spencer prepared dinner for himself and Henry. Tonight was different, they were eating dinner together at the table as a _family. _Yet it was off. The seat normally occupied by Will was empty. Spencer knew JJ was trying for Henry, however he would see the quick glances she gave to the empty seat.

That night after bathtime and storytime, JJ and Henry kissed the sleeping boys forehead and quietly exited his room. Spencer was about to go to his room and read, when JJ stopped him.

"Spence, can you sit with me for awhile? I think I'd like the company."

A small smile appearing on his face, "Sure JJ."

Sharing a bottle of wine, the friends rehashed the events from the day. _It was almost like oldtimes._

Not being completely positive this was the right time, the genius took a sip of his wine and decided to continue.

"Things seem to be a bit better JJ. How are things with Dr. McCann going?"

"Better than I thought Spence. After Sarah died, my parents put me in counseling, thinking it would help. And it did, but I was only a child and my grief was real and raw. I think for some reason, I didn't think I deserved to mourn Will and the life we'll never have together, which made it so much worse.'

"Oh Jay" he says sadly.

"I know Spence, I know. I'm working on it."

"Hotch asked about you today. Well no, I take that back, he asks about you everyday. But anyway, I think he was trying to read me to see if you're coming back to work. It's not my place, you know that and I am not trying to rush your decision, but have you thought about it any?"

Taking a deep breath, she turns to her best friend.

"I'm a mother and an agent in the FBI. I need to help people."

Smiling, Spencer looks at JJ.

_"And we need you."_

_If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through. _

_~Ancient Chinese Proverb_


	7. Chapter 7

"_I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance." _~ Beryl Markham

A month had passed since JJ told Hotch she was ready to return to the team. As excited as he was for their missing piece to return, he knew all too well the dangers of returning to the job too soon after a tragedy. In the quiet recess of his own mind, he could admit to not properly mourning the loss of the love of his life _Haley. _He didn't want that for JJ, she deserved more, and truth be told, so did Will. The Unit Chief told the newest profiler that she would need to be cleared by the Bureau psychologist before she returned to the field.

* * *

Life at the new Jareau-LaMontangue-Reid household was suprisingly pleasant. It took awhile, but things settled down and new routines were made. Spencer felt guilty at times for feeling _so at home _and content.

JJ had been cleared by the Bureau to return to the field and was scheduled to officially go back to work in three days. Luckily, the team was on standby and Spencer was able to spend Friday night at home with JJ and Henry. He was in an awkward place, not Henry's father, but taking on many responsibilities of a parent. In the early weeks when JJ was at her worst, he was responsible for feeding, bathing, entertaining, and taking care of Henry. No longer needing pullups, Spencer could still tell that the young boy didn't entirely understand what it means to be dead.

That evening before going home, he knocked on Hotch's office door.

"Come in" the Unit Chief stated.

"Um, Hi Hotch, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, Reid, what can I help you with?

"It's Henry, Hotch. He's still struggling. I know Jack was a year, 4 months, and 13 days older than Henry was when Haley died, but I was hoping you may be able to give me some advice on how to help him."

Hotch looked at his youngest agent with understanding and pain in his eyes, and motioned for him to sit down.

"I know this is something that JJ would normally do, but she's just coming to terms with Will's death herself."

It wasn't the first conversation Hotch and Spencer had about JJ and Henry over Will's death. It had become such a regular occurrance, Spencer wasn't entirely sure how he would ever make it up to his superior. Hotch on the other hand, marveled at how mature and grown-up Reid was compared to the skinny, self-conscious young genius, he had been just eight years ago.

"Spencer, JJ trusts you with Henry's life and well-being."

It was during this private conversations that Hotch would call him by his real name, Spencer. There was no formality or hierarchy, it was just two friends-no, family.

"I know, I know, but it still seems like I'm overstepping my boundaries. Yet, if I'm being honest with myself I don't care because Henry needs me. All of the childhood grief books are so literal and scientific, it doesn't really help me in real life."

"I understand what you're saying Spencer" Hotch sighed, "When Haley died, one of Jack's pre-school teachers told me about this book _City Dog, Country Frog. _It explains death and loss to children in ways that they can understand. If you'd like, I'd be happy to let you and JJ borrow it."

"Thank you Hotch, I'd love that."

* * *

"Hey Spence, where have you been?" JJ said while she was clearing the table.

"I'm sorry JJ, I stayed after to talk to Hotch."

"About what?"

"Um, Henry."

Stopping what she was doing, she looked at her best friend.

"About?"

Not wanting to upset JJ, the young genius choose his words very carefully.

"Well we both go back to work next week and if there's anything I've learned in the two and a half months I've been staying here with you guys, is that three year olds are very curious. And I just wanted to help Henry cope with things when he goes back to pre-school."

_I want to help my godson understand the death of his father._

"I want that too Spence, but Henry is doing a lot better than when it first happened." She couldn't help but feel guilty at how she neglected her own child due to the grief at losing her partner, "I think he's fine" she said defensively.

"I know Jay, but he's still confused." Removing the book from his leather messenger bag, he handed it to JJ.

"Hotch said he read it to Jack after Haley died and it really helped him process the loss of his mother and grieve for her."

Her eyes filled with tears as she held the book to her chest.

"I don't know what we'd do without you Spence" the young mother said as she ran into her best friends arms.

_"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."_

~From a headstone in Ireland


	8. Chapter 8

_To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person._ ~Eric Fromm

The arrangments had been made, the funeral procession ended, and relatives gone home. A shattered calm had fallen upon her household, in a large part due to the quiet strength and resolve of her best friend. Taking a longer than usual shower, JJ let the hot water cascade down, while her mind drifted to her last grief counseling session.

_Jennifer, tell me more about Will. You talked about how you knew you loved him, but what attracted you in the first place?_

_She couldn't help but smile at the memory._

_"We were on a case, chasing a serial killer in New Orleans. Will was the lead detective, the one who requested the BAUs presence. I loved his southern draw, that accent was so damn sexy. And Will had these piercing blue eyes and chiseled jaw line. And man was he a flirt." _

_"So the sexual chemistry was definately there" her counselor smiled._

_"Oh you bet. Before Will, I never was able to stay in a relationship, I always ran. Ran from loving someone and having them love me. When you stop running away from your life, it becomes real." She held back a soft sob. "And when it's real people can get hurt."_

* * *

It was Sunday morning and Reid wanted to make the last day of the weekend as fun and carefree for JJ and Henry as he possibly could. _Tomorrow _JJ would be going back to work and Henry preschool. _Rejoining the real world. _He had read that for many people going back to work offered them a release from their grief after the loss of a loved one because they couldn't just focus on the saddness at hand. However, JJ was not one of the lucky people. Will had died while working with her team. So he promised himself that he would do whatever he could to make it easier on her and make JJ's return to "normal" life as painless as possible. That afternoon he was going to take them to the park for a picnic and kite flying. _It worked for Mary Poppins _he thought to himself.

"Uncle Spence! How do kites fly? They don't got wings" Henry happily asked his godfather while holding onto the kite string.

Laughing at her young son, JJ glances at Spencer.

"Yeah Spence, how do kites fly?"

Clearing his throat and putting on his best "genius" face he bends down to Henry's level.

"Well you see there's actually two theories explaining flight of any kind, Newton's Third Law of Motion and Bernouli's Theorum." Looking at his best friend and godsons dazed expressions, he tried a different explanation. "Think of the kite as a sail boat, Henry catching the air. The air tries to push the kite along like the sail boat. But the string keeps the kite from going away. Since the kite cannot fly away, remember, it's connected to the string, it has nowhere to go but up." Grinning he thought he did a really good job at explaining flight to three and a half year old.

JJ smiled and just shook her head while Henry rolled his eyes and giggled. _Okay, well maybe I didn't do as great as I thought. _

"You so smart Uncle Spence, I bring you to show and tell. NO ONE has an Uncle Spence!"

The adults laughed.

"You're right baby, Uncle Spence is one of a kind."

_There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. _

~Walt Streightiff

_**AN: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and followed this story. Your kind words mean a lot to me, especially since I'm not a natural writer. **_


	9. Chapter 9

_Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. ~Henry Ward Beecher_

Today was the day. Today she would go back to work, pack her son lunch, kiss him on the cheek, and send him to pre-school. Today was the day she rejoined her team.

She had been tossing and turning all night. In truth, she learned over the past few months how to cry without making a sound, not wanting to wake up Henry and Spence. That night she fell asleep in one of Will's old t-shirts. Was she doing the right thing? Should she take a job where she could be with Henry more often? All of the insecurities she thought she had worked through came crashing back. Could she do this, even though her heart was broken?

* * *

Today was the day. Today he would drink his eighth cup of coffee, hide an extra bag of fruit snacks in his godson's lunch, and wait in the car while his mother walked him to pre-school. Today was the day she rejoined their team.

He had been tossing and turning all night. JJ, his best friend in the entire world, was sleeping in the next room. And try as she might, she couldn't hide things from him, he was the country's youngest criminal profiler ever afterall. The first time he heard her, he was about to run into her bedroom and comfort her, but felt uncomfortable. So he laid there, listening, hoping sleep would find her soon. How would she be? Would she take one look at her desk and run out forever? Or would she school her expressions and act like nothing was wrong, even though she was dying on the inside.

* * *

"Alright Henry, we're here, we're at school." Reid said while turning around to look at his godson.

"Yay, I so excited, you know why momma?"

Putting on her biggest smile, she said, "No baby, why?"

"Cause we using finger paint today, yay, yay, yay!" the boy happily yelled.

JJ got out of the passenger side and got Henry out of his booster seat. He put on his backpack and held his mother's hand. He looked at his uncle with a confused expression.

"You not comin Uncle Spence?"

"Uh, um, well I thought that maybe you would want mommy to take you by herself today and I can just wait in the car."

Shaking his head side to side, he sighed at his uncle.

"Nope, nope, you come with. Right momma?"

"Right baby"

Getting out of the car, his godson took his hand and they walked into school together _as a family._

* * *

Pulling into the parking lot at Quantico, Reid turned off the cars ignition. Turning to JJ, he took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"We can wait here a few minutes if you want?" Feeling like she might need a few minutes to herself, he added, "Or I can go in first and you can come in when you're ready."

Willing herself not to cry, she looked up at her best friend and smiled.

"No, I'm ready now. It's either now or never right?"

"Right."

Not ready to be _completely alone, _she wouldn't let go of his hand as Reid went to get out of the car. Somewhat started he looked over.

"Maybe Henry isn't the only one who needs Uncle Spence to walk them inside."

Blushing slightly, he smiled.

"As you wish."

_"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That is why it is a comfort to go hand in hand." ~Emily Kimbrough_

_AN: A thousand apologies for the delay. I'm 12 weeks away from getting my mba, work is crazy, and my husband actually wants to spend time with me...haha, who would have thought?! Thank you to everyone for all the sweet reviews, alerts, and favorites. _


	10. Chapter 10

_"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." - John F. Kennedy_

Today had gone better than she thought. It was nice seeing the team again, she had forgotten how much she missed them. Not that she had gone months without contact, Garcia made sure of that. They had gotten together for brunch a few times and movie night. Morgan had kidnapped Spence twice, to give him a break from watching Henry _and her. _But this was different. Luckily, there hadn't been a case that day to call the team away, just some local consults. _Baby steps, she thought._

She was so caught up in keeping her emotions in check and not trying to get overwhelmed with her first day back, she hadn't realized Spencer had been in Hotch's office quite a bit over the course of the day.

* * *

"How have things been going Spencer."

"Better, Hotch, better."

"Good, you know everyone grieves differently and Lord, knows I'm not the best person to use as an example." _I barely grieved in public for Haley. "_But, as I'm sure you know, sometimes something happens, you're at the park and you walk by someone who smells like them, or you have a good day and go pick up the phone to tell them your exciting news, when you realize no one's going to pick up." _Those are the moments that bring it all back and make you realize she's never going to come back._

"Grief and loss, it's kind of like a forever process, isn't it Hotch?"

"Yes, it is."

"Today was the first day that JJ has taken Henry to daycare. The past couple of weeks, it's just been me. I was going to wait in the car, but Henry would have none of it, he wanted me there too..."

Hotch could sense that the youngest member of his team had more to say, but he knew better than to press him.

"You've always been an important part of his life Reid, but now it's more than that. You're helping him get through his grief. Even a three year old can understand that."

Smiling slightly, he looked at his boss, "Or maybe it's because I give him extra snacks in his lunch."

* * *

Driving home that evening, both JJ and Spencer realized something was not right with Henry. He had been unusually quiet in the backseat.

"Did you have a good day at school today Henry?" his mother asked.

"Uh huh."

Undeterred, she continued. "You know, Uncle Spence and I just love the finger painting you made us today. Where do you think we should put it?"

"Don't care" the boy said sadly.

Turning her head to make eye contact with Reid, he tried.

"I have to agree with mommy Henry. That is the best painting of an apple tree I have ever seen. I think we ought to put it on the refridgerator at home, so everyone can see it."

"Okay" he told his Uncle.

When they got to the house, Henry ran straight to his bedroom. JJ followed him while Spencer started dinner. He wanted to be there for Henry, to comfort and cuddle him, but he knew that wasn't his place. JJ was better and he was not Will. Sighing, he knew his time with them was coming to a close. _What is wrong with you Spencer. You should be happy you're going home._

He was about to cut up a cucumber for salad, when JJ entered the kitchen carrying a tearful Henry. Dropping everything he walked over to his godson and took him from his mother.

"What's wrong buddy?"

"N-N-Next week is Bring your Daddy to School Day" the boy said hiccuping through his tears, "And, and, I, I don't got a d-d-daddy no more, and, and, I-I hate s-school" he wailed while burrowing his head into his godfather's neck.

Both Spencer and JJ looked heartbroken for the young boy.

Gulping down his own tears, he lifted Henry's chin.

"You do have a daddy Henry. Just because you can't see him anymore, doesn't mean you don't have a daddy. You had the bravest daddy in the whole world. You know that right."

"I guess" he sniffled.

"And you have the most amazing mommy. Do you think you'd like her to come with you to school next week?"

The boy shook his head back and forth, looking sadly at his mother. "No, no girls, no mommies, only boys."

She reached up and gently rubbed her sons back. "What about Uncle Spence, Henry, would you like that?" Making eye contact with her best friend, he looked a little uncomfortable but went along with it.

"Yeah Henry, I'd love to go, I can show your friends some physics magic, and, guess what Buddy?"

"What, Uncle Spence?"

Sighing sadly, he continued, "When I was a little boy, my daddy couldn't go to preschool either, so I know what it's like. If you want, I would be happy to go with you."

Watching his godson work through what he just said, he thought sadly about his own childhood. Except in his case, his father choose to leave him. He wasn't taken away like Will.

"You don't got a daddy either, Uncle Spence?" the boy suddenly touched his Uncle's cheeks, looking at him sadly, trying to give him comfort.

"Uh, well my daddy left when I was really little and I grew up with my mom. So I don't see him anymore."

"Oh, that sad Uncle Spence. I never leave you." he kissed his Uncle's cheek and motioned to be let go. "I going to think of all the magic we show my school friends, kay Uncle Spence?"

"Okay Henry" he choked out

Looking at JJ she had tear streaming down her face too.

"Thank you Spence."

"No, thank you JJ."

They stood in the kitchen hugging each other, until the tiny terror ran in saying his stomach was growling.

Quickly wiping away their tears, they both laughed.

"Dinner will be ready soon little man, go wash your hands."

"_Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it." - Arthur Golden  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: I am not dead and I haven't forgotten about this story! Grad school is officially over, so I can go back to reviewing and updating on a regular basis. Thanks for sticking with me!_

_"In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: It goes on."_

_~Robert Frost_

It had been a little over a month since JJ had gone back to work and gotten used to her "new normal." Which is why she had been a bit startled when Hotch and asked her to get to work early the next day. She was even more surprised when Reid got the very same phone call.

"I'm sure it's fine JJ, you know Hotch is always dealing with something from the higher-up's" Reid said.

"How can you be so sure Spence? No impromptu meeting is ever a party at the BAU..." she replied.

"Maybe we're getting raises!" he squeaked excitedly.

The blonde just rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm.

"Sure, Spence, whatever you say. We should get going and drop Henry off at the sitter's before he wakes up."

* * *

"Oh there you are my love doves!" Garcia manicky called out to her friends.

"I can't believe we're up this early. When's the last time we woke up at the pre-crack of dawn? And he left a voicemail, Hotch never leaves a voice messages. This has got to be life altering!"

"Whoa there Garcia, how much coffee have you had this morning? You're beginning to remind me of Spence."

"HEY! I take offense to that" the genius replied, faining hurt.

As the trio entered the bullpen, they were joined by Morgan and Rossi.

"Ugh, I only get up this early, if I'm trying to sneak out on one of my honies."

"My beautiful black adonis, if you weren't so sexy, I'd be offended."

"Sorry baby girl" Morgan replied as he kissed her cheek.

"When's the last time Hotch called a meeting this early anyway?" the senior profiler asked.

"5 years, 8 months ago. When Hotch told us there were other opportunities for us within the bureau. And before that, 3 years, 8 months ago, when Gideon quit" Reid stated.

Echos of "I'm not leaving, are you leaving" filled the room. Just then, Hotch and Prentiss walked into the room. Then they knew.

"No-I am" she said.

"You know I love you all and you're my family. But something hasn't seemed right since I came back. I'm not the same person anymore and I can't keep pretending that I am. I've been offered a position to head Interpol's Office in London and I've accepted."

Silence filled the room.

"This is a great opportunity for Emily" Hotch stated, hoping his vocal support would give strength to his already fragile team.

Hugs and congratulations filled the room. With occassional tears from Garcia.

"You better be on skype at least 3 times, no make that 4 times a week. Or else I'll plant bugs in your computer system over there-and you know I can!"

"I wouldn't dream of denying you Garcia" Emily joked with her friend.

* * *

That evening as they were driving home, Reid noticied the faraway look in JJ's eyes.

"Are you okay Jay?'

"Yeah I'm fine Spence. I just can't believe so many things continue to change. I always thought no matter what, we would be together. You, me, Hotch, Morgan, Garcia, Rossi-and Emily."

"I know what you mean, but we did it once and we can do it again. And this time we can visit and call as much as we want to" he said trying to cheer his best friend up.

"I know" she sighed, "It's just that, it might sound stupid, but why can't the world stop moving, when we need things to stay the same?"

He knew she wasn't looking for an answer, but all he could do was reach for her hand.

"I don't know, JJ, I don't know."

* * *

The weekend was more chaotic than he was used to, no make that Henry was more chaotic. He deduced it was due to all the sugar and junk food Henry had eaten at his best friend Joey's birthday party. Just as he thought he got the little boy settled down, he was back up again, running around.

"And then, Spiderman jumped up on the building and..." Henry squealed as he was just about to jump from the couch to the coffee table.

"HENRY, NO!" Reid yelled at his godson. But it was too late, the blonde terror jumped on the table knocking off a vase filled with flowers. The little boy started to sniffle when he saw how upset he made his godfather.

"Why you so mad Uncle Spence? I sorry about the flowers but I-I, just showing you the Spidy move from the movie."

"I don't care Henry, you know we don't run around the house and we definately don't jump on the furniture. Go sit on the steps, you're in timeout."

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU NOT MY DADDY!" Henry yelled at his Uncle and hit his chest.

"You're right, I'm not daddy, but I'm a grownup and I know how to keep you safe, so go sit on the steps Henry, I'm not kidding."

"I HATE YOU!"

Just then JJ walked into the room.

"What's going on in here?" She was slightly confused because she had never heard Reid raise her voice at her son before, until she saw the mess her son had made on the floor.

"Uncle Spence yell at me and put me in a time out, cuz I showing him Spiderman. And he is mean and I hate him and he isn't MY DADDY."

She wanted to be mad at Henry but the words "my daddy" broke her heart.

"You're right Henry, Uncle Spence is not your daddy. Go to your room and I'll be up in a second, okay?"

Reid could have sworn he saw a hint of validation and glee in the little boy's eyes as he turned around and ran up to his room.

"JJ, I can't believe you just did that. I put him in time out for jumping on the furniture and breaking the rules."

"Spencer, you aren't a parent. Leave the disciplining of my son to me." As soon as she said the words, she instantly regretted it. She saw the hurt written acrossed his face.

"You're right JJ, I'm not a parent. It looks like you two are going to be getting along fine now without me. I've probably overstayed my welcome anyway. I'm going to pack my bags and go back to my place this evening." He heard her yell "I'm sorry" and "Please don't go" but the damage was already done.

_What were you thinking Spencer? You're such an idiot. Disciplining Henry. You aren't and never will be his father. Playing family with people who aren't YOUR family._

The genius couldn't help but cry silently as he packed his bags.

The blonde couldn't help but cry silently as she watched him pack his bags.

_"The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other." _

Author Unknown


	12. Chapter 12

_AN: Thanks to everyone for their continued reviews, favorites, and alerts. This is just a little New Year update for you all._

_""No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure."_

_~Emma Goldman_

She couldn't believe what she had just done. He had been there for her every day since Will's passing; offering support and friendship over the past few months, when her world collpased. It wasn't that she thought Spence was wrong in disciplining Henry (she would have done the same thing had she caught him jumping on the furniture and breaking a vase), it's that _he was actually disciplining Henry. _Something he wouldn't have done otherwise if Will was still alive. It caught her by surprise and she hated herself for her reaction. As she watched Reid walk towards the front door, with his bags packed, she reached for his arm.

_"Spence please, stop, don't go. I'm so sorry, I don't even know why I said it. You have every right to put Henry in a timeout."_

_"No, JJ, you and Henry are right. I'm not Will. I am not his parent and it's time we stopped playing house." He looked at her with hurt but resolution in his eyes. _

_She sniffled back some tears._

_"Are you going to at least say good bye to Henry?" _

_Just then a little blonde haired boy appeared at the top of the steps. _

_"Going bye bye? Who is going bye bye Mommy?" just then he saw the suitcases in his godfather's hands. Tears sprung to his eyes and he raced down the stairs clinging to Reid's pant legs. "I-I so, sorry Unca Pence. I will go to timeout! Pease don't leave me, I love you. Pease, peease, I so sorry" the little boy hiccuped._

_JJ and Reid both had tears in their eyes. Reid, dropped his bags and lifted his godson in an embrace._

_"Henry, I have to go. I'm not mad at you and I will always love you. But this isn't my home. Do you remember my house? It has all of the bookcases and dark furniture."_

_The little boy nodded._

_"Well, I haven't been back in a really long time, and I'm beginning to miss my things. You know? Like when you spent the night at Mom mom's house last summer and left your favorite dinosaur at home and mommy and daddy had to get you a few days earlier so that you would be able to sleep. Well it's kind of like that for me."_

_In a last ditch effort, Henry put his hands on his godfather's face and looked at him. "You could bring your stuff here. I share my room with you. And then you no leave."_

_Reid smiled sadly, "I can't do that Henry. But I promise I'll be back on Saturday and we can get chocolate chip pancakes and go to the park. I promise." He hugged the boy one more time and passed him to his mother._

_"I'll see you tomorrow at work JJ." And with that he turned around and walked out the door._

On his drive home he kept replaying the past few months over and over in his head. The truth of the matter was he had loved Jennifer Jareau forever, since the first day they met. But his shyness and general awkwardness got in the way. And then the handsome, kind, southern detective came into her life and swept her off her feet. The truth of the matter was, he was perfectly content to be JJ's best friend. He had buried those feelings for her years ago. Her happiness was all that mattered to him. And then Will died-the status quo irrevocably changed forever.

_You are so stupid Spencer. JJ will never love you like you love her. Let it go._

_"By faith we hold a better dream inside our hearts  
A time when our family will never have to be apart  
Till then we struggle with just what it really means  
And we will mourn the death of our beautiful dreams  
Mourn the death of our beautiful dreams"_

_~Michael Card_


	13. Chapter 13

AN: I am so sorry for my long absence. I haven't loved this season of Criminal Minds (ahem killing Reid's chance at happiness even if I'm a JJ/Reid shipper), which I think contributed to my update funk. But I've gotten so many reviews lately and I HATE when people don't finish their stories...I didn't want to be a statistic :)

_"Friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can rarely be put back togetehr exactly the same way." _

_~Charles Kingsley_

When Spencer left JJ ran into her bathroom and heaved. Tears streaming down her face, she thought, _What have I done? _Will was her lover, her partner, the father of her son. His loss was tangible, real. His side of the bed was cold. His clothes still had his scent, yet they remained unworn. His chair always empty at the dinner table. The loss of Spencer from her home, the one he became apart of the past few months was no less real, but more intangible. _Her Spence. _Her genius best friend with the most gentle soul. She was able tell him anything and everything without judgement. She opened parts of herself up to him that she was unable to do with _anyone. _

The next day she did her best to cover the dark circles that painted her face. She hadn't slept all night because Spencer hadn't answered any of her phone calls or texts. As she entered the bullpen of the BAU, she looked around for her best friend timidly. He always arrived before anyone else, except for Hotch.

There he was.

Clearing her throat she walked up to his desk.

"Hi Spence, do you have a minute?"

Not even looking up from his files, he replied, "Not now JJ, I'm working on some consults for Hotch. Besides, you said plenty last night."

Unable to control the tears that were forming, she touched his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please look at me."

Normally, that would break him. The pleading and heartbreak of his best friend, but he was still so hurt and confused, his old defenses were up. Pushing his hair back and removing her hand from his shoulder, he looked at her, trying not to see her.

"Not now JJ, we've done this once before, remember? You lie to me, or in this case are completely honest with me, try to settle things at work, we fight, you apologize for hurting and emotionally devestating me, and we make up over pasta? I can't do this right now." Grabbing his messenger back he brushed passed Morgan.

"Hey kid."

"Save it Morgan, tell Hotch I'm walking to Starbucks."

Watching the slender man enter the elevator, he looked back at JJ who was now crying, sitting on his desk.

"JJ, what happened?"

Looking up she sniffled.

"I think I just ruined the most important friendship in my life and I don't think it can ever be repaired."

Sighing he pulled the blonde into an embrace. He always knew his geeky friend had a softspot for JJ. Will or no Will, Morgan was no fool, Spencer Reid would always be in love with Jennifer Jareau. Looking down at JJ, he was very careful with the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. You're his person JJ." He kissed her head and let his words sink in.

_"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." _

_~Henri Nouwen_


End file.
